Sugar Britches

I was inspired to write this entry after a conversation wherein I attempted to explain the difference between various groups that white folks fall into within southern culture.

Belle – This is a specific type of woman; groomed from an early age to be the epitome of Southern grace, class, and charm… at least to your face. Behind your back is another matter entirely. Most Belles come from (or marry into) well-to-do families. The most distinguishing factor of Belles is how they will never, under any circumstances, leave their homes without immaculate hair, make-up, and clothing. Even in the sweltering heat of summer, not a hair nor eyelash nor hemline will be out of place. Most likely to win “Miss Teen” pageants.

City Slicker – Usually this is someone who grew up in the country, but for one reason or another (sometimes voluntarily, sometimes not), was transplanted to civilization. I’ve noticed many City Slickers eschew certain aspects of urban life, such as public transit; they would choose to sit for hours in traffic gridlock driving their F-150 rather than take the train. On the other hand, they might also spend several hundred dollars on designer cowboy boots, despite never having ridden an actual horse. Most likely to know the Cotton-Eye Joe dance.

Good Old Boy/Gal – These are the people you want on your side in the event of a riot or zombie outbreak, because they live in the middle of nowhere and likely have a gun collection that would make the government nervous. Good Old Boys/Gals may not necessarily be “formally educated”, but they usually possess plenty of common sense and practicality. Generally they are nice people, despite their tendency toward social conservatism. Most likely to carry a bowie knife everywhere, even to church.

Hillbilly – For whatever reason, Hillbillies don’t trust the trappings of modern society and instead choose to isolate themselves in the country or the mountains. Most likely to sport a mullet (and survive the apocalypse).

Redneck – A term best described by self-proclaimed redneck Jeff Foxworthy: “the glorious absence of sophistication.” Similar to the Good Old Boy/Gal, but Rednecks seem to enjoy going to great lengths to convince others that they possess money, except all the means they employ are just classic signs of being a Redneck. “You might be a redneck if the tires on your truck cost more than the actual truck.” True Rednecks are often blissfully unaware that the rest of society believes they are everything BUT classy. Most likely to attend a NASCAR event.

Rockabilly – I kinda made this one up, after multiple encounters with a certain type of person in Atlanta. Rockabillies were likely born and raised in the city, unlike the transplanted Slicker. They may embrace Redneck traits, but unlike Rednecks, Rockabilly folks acknowledge the humor and irony; they’ll fly the Confederate flag, but they do not truly believe “the south will rise again.” Because they are Southern urbanites, Rockabillies feel comfortable eating fried chicken gizzards and drinking moonshine, or eating sushi and drinking lattes. Most likely to have a full sleeve tattoo.

White Trash – Sometimes this term is used interchangeably with Redneck, although they are not always the same; Rednecks possess a relatively harmless lack of tact and social graces, but White Trash take it to a ridiculous level. People who qualify as White Trash are usually lazy, with no desire to better themselves, be it through education, hard work, or wise management of money. They are ignorant by choice, but have convinced themselves that their poor choices are the fault of Liberals, non-Christians, and everybody who isn’t Caucasian. Most likely to appear on Jerry Springer.